Nice & Deep

How to enhance your breathing pleasure

By Carey Jackson
Staff Writer

“The goal is to Breathe longer and deeper,” says Nicholas Kislinger, the leader of Pitzer’s new Breathing group. He sits up straighter and gestures toward his diaphragm. “To get more oxygen in and more carbon dioxide out.” I nod gravely, having expected something a little more complex. It’s a Wednesday night at the Grove House, about ten minutes after the group’s 8 o’clock meeting time, and so far, except for Kislinger, I’m the only one there.

In the adjacent room, several extremely loud students are playing a dirty game. Whenever there is a lull in our conversation, the would-be silence is filled with people screeching stupid sex-related questions. “Do you like body pressing?” “What’s body pressing?” “You’ve never done body pressing?!” “Oh. My. God. I love body pressing!” “Me, too! It’s sooo hot!” “What IS body pressing?!” I try not to stare in the direction of the noise and to conduct a mature and thoughtful interview.

Fishing for relevant topics, I ask Kislinger, “Soo . . . when is the best time to Breathe?” As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I realize that it’s a stupid question, since, as the group’s organizer, he must think of 8 P. M. on Wednesdays and Thursdays as pretty good times. Kislinger, leaning back leisurely in his chair and drinking tea, pauses a moment before answering the question. Then he gives me an extended explanation about how some people like to Breathe in the morning or at night, some before and after class, before and after doing homework, and some before and after eating (“it sort of massages the stomach”). He personally likes to Breathe before and after going to bed; it helps him to clear his head entering and leaving the dream world. I nod, imagining his dream world as some place only people who take dreams seriously can enter, with scenery similar that in “Labyrinth” or “The Neverending Story.”

At 8:15 Kislinger checks his watch and announces that he thinks that the other two people who usually come aren’t going to show up, so he’s going to go ahead and commence the Breathing.

The Breathing takes place in a tiny room that probably wouldn’t fit more than 3 or 4 people. It’s not the group’s usual meeting place, but that room has been filled with student art projects, so we are forced to make due with the very intimate space of the smaller room. We sit on couch cushions, shoes off, legs crossed, while Kislinger explains the basics of Ujjayi, the Breathing technique he practices. Part way through his lecture, he begins to speak with his eyes shut. I think he must be getting into the Breathing zone.

Elementary Breathing is surprisingly very simple: (1) Sit with one leg crossed over the other on your “sitting bones” (easy to find if you’ve ever done yoga; if you’ve never heard of them before, they’re basically just your butt bones), with hands resting on your knees. You might want to use a cushion if you plan to breathe for a long time, and take off your shoes so your feet don’t fall asleep. (2) Start Breathing through your mouth, contracting your lungs. Exhale as if fogging the lenses of a pair of glasses and inhale with the same strength. You should sound, as Kislinger stated, “Like Darth Vader.” (3) When you are ready, Breathe in the same style through your nose. Concentrate on your Breath. (4) Finish when you feel comfortable.

At first, I have a little difficulty Breathing so forcefully. I feel light headed and have trouble making the transition from open mouth to nasal Breathing. This was all so much easier when Breathing was just an involuntary bodily function. Soon, though, I feel like I’m in a trance, a breathing machine. The room is quiet except for our heavy Breathing. I can’t help but be reminded of the “breathe in my mouth” scene from “Hedwig and the Angry Inch,” except that Kislinger and I aren’t in love and one of us isn’t (as far as I know) transsexual.

After perhaps ten minutes, I get bored and crack open an eye. Kislinger is across from me, completely intent on his Breathing. Feeling a little inadequate for not being able to Breathe seriously for any longer, I get up to leave, a little dizzy. I step awkwardly out of the room, leaving Kislinger on the carpet Breathing intensely with his eyes firmly shut. Walking home, I assess the effects of Breathing. Kislinger, in his email announcement about the group wrote that: “This Breathing group offers students tools to clean and maintain a clarity of consciousness so that we may contribute more efficiently and effectively to our communities.” I feel slightly drunk.

I return to the Grove House the following Thursday, hoping to meet other groups members and find out how they feel about Breathing. When I arrive, the place is deserted except for an anonymous guy playing Beck on the porch. Feeling like a creep, I lurk around the premises, trying to avoid the Beck dude and waiting for Kislinger, or anyone, to show up. All I find, though, is an incumbent plaster deer with an open stomach spilling silver intestines onto the floor in one of the upstairs rooms. I leave, since the deer doesn’t seem like the type to appreciate Ujjayi.

Without a group to interview, I try, the next night, to enlist my drunk friend in my exploration of Breathing. It’s a bit of an experiment, an inquiry into the possible sobering effects of Breathing. Unfortunately, this experiment parallels the Breathing group itself, in that there is a serious lack of interest.