Sex With Yourself

(When You Don\'t Live by Yourself)

Kathleen States / Claremont Student

By Valerie Vixen
Staff Writer

Dear Nympho,

I am a first-year and am having some problems with my living situation. I usually masturbate at night before I go to sleep, but my roommate is always there! I’m embarrassed to talk to her about it—I’ve never talked to any of my girlfriends about my masturbation before. What can I do?

Frustrated First-Year

Dear Frustrated,

This is a toughie for a many students; after all, masturbation is still fairly taboo and it is difficult to talk about it with a roommate that you might not know very well. Here are some tips:

Do Not Disturb

You can try approaching the subject with a bit of subtly. Maybe you have already discussed the whole ‘when the dorm room’s a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’ concept, agreeing on sticking a note or signal on the door to let each other know the other is occupied. If so, just slip a caveat on it. “So, although I don’t have a boy/girlfriend right now, I do have NEEDS, you know! I’m a person too, dammit!” Okay, so maybe that’s not so subtle, but you get the idea. You could also just wait until your roommate is gone to class and put a chair in front of the door to warn yourself as they are coming in.

Rub-a-Dub-Dub

If you like to use masturbation as a way to lull yourself to sleep, to unwind from a tough day, try combining it with a de-stressing hot shower before you go to bed. Buy a waterproof toy or some silicone-based lubricant (Suave conditioner also works quite well, or so I’ve heard from a couple of guys) and experiment with the new sensations they can offer. This works especially well if you share a bathroom with only a few people. But, even if you use a communal bathroom, it’s likely that you’ll have the bathroom all to yourself at night, since most students shower in the morning. Just make sure you wash any fluids off the walls as a courtesy to your fellow bathers. Similarly, for guys especially, you could just sneak a little magazine or other stimulation into a bathroom stall and have at it. Again, it is best if the bathroom isn’t shared by too many people so that you don’t get distracted from your de-stressing, but if all else fails this can be a good go-to option.

The Stash

Hopefully you have a roommate who is respectful of your privacy and doesn’t go nosing about your personal possessions. Even if this is the case, it’s a good idea not to leave your toys or videos out in the open; this might make them uncomfortable. Get a little box or bag to put under your bed. Or, if you want to take something into the bath with you, a Tupperware box in your shower caddy can work well. Who knows, if you get the subject out in the open with your roommate, it’s possible that an exchange of materials can occur. “Sure you can borrow my ‘Debbie Does Dallas’—but only if I can read your ‘PlayGirl!’”

Oversharing!

You might be experiencing a completely different problem and have a roommate who won’t stop talking about masturbation and sex. If this is making you uncomfortable, it is important to address the issue. You could even use some ‘I statements.’ For example: “I feel scared when you leave your huge rubber fist out on your desk all day” or “I feel nervous when you begin looking at loud animal porn on your computer and I have friends over for a study group.” But seriously, if you are unable to resolve the issue by talking to your roommate one-on-one, it may be a good idea to go to an RA or even a counselor at Mounsour or HEO.

The bottom line here is that masturbation can be an important part of anyone’s sex life and being at college shouldn’t inhibit that sexual expression and tension release tool. Creativity and open communication are the keys to keeping your love affair with yourself exciting!