The Claremont Cupid

Find the love of your life, or just a hot date

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Personal Ads:
    Um, like, so like, I’m kind of looking... like, for a chick... like, super hot and sexy, um, and funny, even if I like, don’t get her jokes. Um, and like, if she could dress well, that would be, like, a major plus. Um, yeah. And could she have hot friends? Ext. 89990
    Sprightly great-grandmother of three seeks young adventurer for a good time! Grandma will do you right! Enjoys knitting, making jam, and “The Golden Girls.” Nothing gets me going like a good round of jazzercise! I am “aged to perfection,” soft in all the right places, and most importantly, I know all the tricks in the bag! Instructed by authentic WWII vets! Must be willing to experiment! Meeeee-owwww! Ext. 87650
     Leggy, fun-loving, 25-year-old blonde seeks 50-plus-year-old man with the means to please. Loves shopping, expensive dinners, and hopping on a plane to the Isle of Capri. Very affectionate, former Playboy Bunny—won’t be shy in bed! No need for pre-nups—marriage is forever! Terminal illness a plus. Ext. 09872
    Petite intellectual seeks long term partner of either gender - someone with whom to discuss nabokov and take long walks in the library. no Warhol fans, please! Interest in post-structuralism or autoerotic asphyxiation a plus. Ext. 82234
    Yoga fanatic seeks fellow yoga fanatic for flexible fun times. If you’d like we can get together and gaze into each other’s third eyes and practice the root lock. I am sucker for staying in one position for hours. Call me if you’d like to do it downward doggie-style! Ext. 86249
    SW Christian F seeks SW Christian M for long-term relationship or marriage. I gave my heart to Jesus when I was four years old and now I am looking for some one else to give my heart to (well, to share it, anyway). My favorites things are horses, my parent’s lakehouse, diamonds, class!, the color blue, and, duh!, Jesus! For dates I like just chatting and getting ice cream or going to the movies, but no funny business! Call me if you want to meet a date you can take home to mom! Ext. 80034
 Polymorphously perverse SWF 22, dangerously afraid of death and seeking 30-plus-year-old M with the same dismal outlook on life. Prematurely-balding hypochondriacs will not be accepted without a sense of humor. Scripps box 138
  Senior male seeks to two young lades or a young lady and a man for loving polyamitious relationship. Two in bed is just not enough! I enjoy holding hands and cuddling—anything with lots of intertwined limbs. Call me if your heart’s too big for only one! Ext. 89033
   Self-identified vampire (female) seeks virgin blood. Self-identified virgins are more than welcome. I’m also into leather, red wine, and filing my teeth. I’m not into Italian food, mirrors, or daylight. Call me after dark if you’ll like to stake me. Ext. 86014

I Saw You:

      You: I saw you at Edmund’s Ballroom on Friday, September 29th, and you were wearing a collared shirt, I believe, and shorts. I was going to ask you to dance, but another girl, with curly hair and glasses asked you before I could. I think you were looking at me, but I’m not entirely sure. You are definitely a cutie and I’d dance with you anytime =) Don’t be shy! Ext. 83057
     Me: I was salsa dancing and you were watching everyone in the crowd. I was wearing a black tube top, tight black pants with a sequence butterfly on the left side, and I had a pinkish white flower in my hair, that was up in a pony tail. At the point I saw you, I think I was dancing with one of the awesome dance teamers, an asian guy with a white wife beater and jeans. Ext. 76052
    The place: outside the Coop Fountain. The day: October 4, 2006. The time: 4:06 pm. You: approximately 4’ 6”, blondish short hair, and a lovely maroon dress that showed off your “curves.” Me: approximately 6’4”, dirty-dishwater-blonde and pretty built (you could tell because I wasn’t wearing a shirt). I would really like to hang out sometime because you seem like a really deep and beautiful person. Call me. Ext. 25973
  You: cheerful M employee at Stater Bros. Nametag: Rusty G. I have been in love with you ever since I saw your name on that little rectangle of plastic that you pin so perfectly on your regulation Stater Bros. polo shirt.   One time I bought alcohol from you and you gave it to me even though I had an out-of-state ID. I think we had a connection there. Call me if you thought so, too. Ext. 76736
    I am looking for an old friend—we did business together in Tijuana. I heard that your boss transferred you to this area. I miss your long ears and big teeth, and your big other things, too, I’ve never found a man as nice to pet as you are, or which such a nice ASS. Call me. Ext. 86632 n
    If you'd like to submit a Personal Ads or an I Saw You, send a 50 - 80 description to personals@cstudent.org. Be sure to include an extention number or a school mailbox number!